random rants and muddled musings

Gathering dust

2012-02-04T08:44:00.000-08:00

(This blog, I mean)

Increasingly I find that I prefer to keep my thoughts entirely private; this generally means less blogging. In fact come to think of it, I think I rarely wrote about the things I actually spent the most time thinking about.

School has begun again and despite a lot of people complaining about renewed stress and increased workloads, I must say I haven't really noticed. I think the workload isn't actually very different, but the constant little reminders about A levels looming make it seem like we just should be doing more now that we're in J2.

I keep seeing former debate juniors around. In our batch, almost every debater from High School continued to debate for the JC. This batch is different; the majority of them aren't continuing. This does sadden me- feels like we didn't do enough (perhaps we did the exact opposite) to make them feel like they had a future in debates. Maybe at some level or another, the amount of time the two of us invest in our juniors now is in some small way our method of making up for our failings of the past.

Inspiration

2012-01-23T07:27:00.000-08:00

Simple, single sentence spoken a few days ago. I keep thinking about it.

"Surely the function of debaters is to champion the good in the world."

Of dragonflies and broken petals

2011-12-19T08:43:00.000-08:00

Met an old friend yesterday. Felt a gentle rush of clarity afterward, which my writing doesn't quite do justice to. Knew it wouldn't last, so I experimented a little in... listening to the universe, I don't know how else to put it.

In the most insignificant way possible, it seemed to work out.

Today I suddenly remembered another friend whom I never ever met in person but who- for some reason that probably doesn't go very well with logic- I think genuinely meant well for me. It would be so easy to try and pin blame on him for things that went wrong- but it would also be entirely unfair. Because I went back and read a few old emails, and I suddenly realise the only real mistake was not listening to the universe, a year and a half ago.

And if you're reading this, and if you're still in any way upset with him- please don't be.

Detach

2011-12-12T06:13:00.000-08:00

This place is gathering dust.

Apologies

2011-11-24T08:03:00.001-08:00

I used to really not understand people. I saw how people reacted to stimuli, and got a feel for what actions tend to produce what reactions (as most people figure out after a while) but I was never quite sure why.

The problem was that all too often, I'd meet someone new who didn't fit into that behavioural pattern. I'd stumble around and figure out the new causal relation, but that would take time.

So I started thinking that maybe the reason why I could never really find a pattern was that I didn't understand the underlying reasons why action produced reaction. So I thought a lot about those underlying reasons; I've probably spent more time trying to figure those out than anything else in my life. Sometimes I would think I'd figured it out, only to be frustrated by the next person I'd get to know.

I think it's only a relatively recent realization that this is probably because there just isn't a single formula you can apply to every human being. Nor, by extension, is there one way of dealing with people that lets you deal with everyone. I know it sounds really dumb and most everyone has probably thought of this years ago, but I do think there's a difference between being intellectually aware of the fact and acting on it.

I guess figuring out how to relate to people will always take effort. It's probably a mistake to ever think that one has mastered people- that you can explain every person's every action by referring to simplistic theories that don't account for the richness and depth of the person's life experiences.

I'm sorry if I've hurt you. Guess I got too used to thinking that you acted one way, by one set of unchanging axioms, that I forgot that people can change.

Facebook

2011-11-16T07:37:00.001-08:00

Yeah I finally got it. Not quite sure what to think yet, other than that the email notifications are annoying.Have recently been told a lot more about myself than I ever knew. Refreshing to hear what someone with a different perspective has to say about life, and the people in it. Maybe it's the one really good thing that'll come out of being in a science class- talking to people who really are different. A reminder, of the incredible variety of people out there- to not get too comfy with one way of interacting with others, because people are so different.

once in a while

2011-11-14T12:04:00.001-08:00

Keep forgetting this blog exists. Seems like I'm keeping it alive just for the sake of it, hm.Camp RE:ACT last week was very fun. I think I got to live out some old memories, just by watching the participants interact. I meant every word I said in my closing speech to them (inside and outside the lecture theatre). I hope at least one of them remembers.

High-Octane Nightmare Fuel

2011-10-23T03:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I've finally been jolted awake by a nightmare. Although I suppose it could've been coincidence that I woke up when the particularly painful scene came about. Also, it was a bit less of a nightmare in the horrifying-imagery sense and more of a... conceptual-horror kind of thing.

I have no opinion on whether dreams are just another remarkable result of brain chemistry or whether they're messages from some special place. But I'm glad for the fact that they sometimes bring into the conscious open thoughts which previously inhabited my mental background, so far removed from the front that I sometimes never even noticed them. Mostly it's to do with people. In fact, now that I think about it, it's only ever been to do with people.

That's the sound a deflating tire makes

2011-10-12T08:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I learn more from sabbaticals than most of the school year.

I also think we've reached our respective infinities, which is... maybe sad. I like physics analogies.

Case

2011-10-10T07:19:00.000-07:00

Promos were fun, but that's probably all I'm going to say about them for now. Just in case, you know, they don't turn out so well.

Almost finished Lucas' Christmas present to me from last year. Shall not comment; the book, among other things, reinforced in me the understanding that being too quick to assume an ideological stand based on the perception of identities is dangerous. I'm not quite sure if this is one of the conclusions the author intended to draw, but it seems a natural one; that trapping oneself in an identity built entirely in opposition to another is the perfect breeding ground for conflict- and, consequently, unhappiness.

Why be unhappy with each other over religion? That's not really the whole point is it. Quite the opposite, unless I'm seriously mistaken.

Hm

2011-10-05T00:33:00.000-07:00

I feel like my chem has finally outdone my math. Which is not to say either of them necessarily did very well. In fact, math was quite bad. Well, one more to go.

Blah

2011-09-26T08:20:00.000-07:00

I realise it's been two weeks since I posted that completely mindless thing about spider solitaire.

But given that promos start this Friday, I think an implicit hiatus makes total sense.

Oddly, I feel more ready for chemistry than anything else (save KI), which could either be a good thing (a sign of sufficient preparation) or a really bad thing (a sign of delusional insanity). Something seems to have clicked that allows the disparate facts I've seen or heard in chemistry lessons throughout the year to suddenly make sense when put in the context of a single paper; I just hope this very recently developed ability to make sense of everything stays, or else...

Never been so worried for a math paper- even more so now than for blocks.

Last Friday's Quote: "Life is full of ups and downs - like a Born-Haber cycle."
- our chem tutor, seamlessly integrating motivational talks with chemistry revision. He had quite a few good ones; here's one more:
"Some of you might have found that your studies suddenly got a lot harder in JC. It's sort of like the first ionisation energies trend..."

And...

2011-09-11T10:02:00.001-07:00

I finally won a game of Spider Solitaire (4 suits). Bringing my record up to 2 wins out of 131 games.

Queen of Hearts

2011-09-09T10:10:00.000-07:00

My sister once likened Spider Solitaire on 4 suits to clearing and organizing an infinitely messy table. I enjoy the theory - putting order to chaos. Doesn't always work though; in fact I've only ever won one game on 4 suits, simply because of raw probability (and my reluctance to use the 'undo' function).

Here we go again

2011-09-06T10:34:00.001-07:00

I like how in the midst of studying, I almost start feeling that chemistry isn't so daunting after all- and then I glance at the next chapter and feel like I'm starting from square one again.

Email correspondence with a former teacher made me feel a bit bad because he mentioned that he wondered why he didn't see me on Teachers' Day (before hurriedly assuring me that it was okay and my actual presence there was less important than the fact that I emailed him a belated greeting). At the same time, it's kind of bittersweet to know that an ex-teacher (somewhat) expected me to be there. Must must must turn up next year.

2011-09-03T09:01:00.001-07:00

Good job, guys!

Picked up my Rubik's cube and managed to hit my average timing from 3 years ago, which is a small personal accomplishment because I haven't really touched it for a while. I think having random hobbies is probably a good thing for when the mind needs to be taken off important stuff.

1:09:40

2011-09-01T09:29:00.001-07:00

So I ended up not looking for that primary school teacher of mine, but I did get to see a few of my High School teachers. The environment seemed so much more comfortable, guess it's one of those things that happens with graduation.

Following a short burst of lessons on Wednesday, we now get another short break which will have to be productive, or else.

Leap for Mankind?

2011-08-31T07:58:00.001-07:00

Was reminded today in rather enjoyable fashion just how painfully inept I am at basketball. I guess it's just fun to throw a ball around, even if it doesn't quite move in the parabolic trajectory you want it to. Frustrating to know where the shot should go (I imagine most people get this part down) but for the ball to disobey the mind's commands.

Physics lecture test was okay, chem SPA would have been great if it wasn't for... time issues. Managed to rush every question out, but the last few could probably have been done a lot better.

Tomorrow is Teachers' Day, and I really want to go back to my primary school - if not for the fact that the only teacher of mine who's still there probably doesn't remember me. The one teacher there who made the biggest impact on me has moved to another school, and a small bunch of us are thinking of going out to look for her- which would be kind of a pleasant surprise, if it weren't for the most likely outcome being our arriving two hours after every last teacher has left for their day off.

Then there's High School, and there are a lot of teachers I want to visit there- almost too many. It's only just struck me that I've actually graduated from High School, and that it's now another old house of fond memories to be toured every now and then. Am a little scared that if I went back and found the teachers whom I really want to thank for making a difference to me that I won't be able to figure out how to say it, and will wind up making hollow conversation. I'll probably give it a shot, anyway.

2:13:39

2011-08-28T10:28:00.003-07:00

Remembered just how much I missed people, and who exactly I missed.

Also read a blog for the first time in roughly a month.

Tomorrow comes

2011-08-25T19:19:00.000-07:00

Today, I think the greatest cause for my personal happiness was seeing everyone else so happy.

Do you hear the people sing,
lost in the valley of the night?
It is the music of a people
who are climbing to the light.
For the wretched of the Earth,
there is a flame that never dies;
even the darkest night
will end and the sun will rise.

They will live again in freedom
in the garden of the Lord.
They will walk behind the ploughshare;
they will put away the sword.
The chain will be broken
and all men will have their reward!

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing-
say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes!

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing-
say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes!
- Les Miserables

20 days

2011-08-07T08:24:00.000-07:00

Some of the questions that kept us entertained in the past can become pretty old real fast- like "if you had one wish, what would it be?". But the more I think about that specific question, the more I wonder whether it actually tells us a lot more about ourselves than it seems to, if one takes the time to answer it truthfully. What does it say about our priorities, and about the things which are really important to us?

Order to Chaos

2011-08-01T07:41:00.000-07:00

250 posts before this one. Nice number.

Remarkable day. I now feel like I've woken up from a surreal dream- except, knowing it wasn't a dream, it's more like stepping back into the norm after a week or two of being somewhere outside. Maybe I'll write about it at the end of the post in a vague sort of way.

Tired, but not ready to sleep yet, because there remains work to be done. I dread schoolwork (and sometimes prize sleep over completing it on time) but this isn't schoolwork (well, most of it isn't), it's work that I do because it isn't just important, but it's what I've actively chosen to do. There's an exhilaration muted only by the hour, and I enjoy that feeling.

Let's see what tomorrow shall bring~

(And I did)

2011-07-31T07:12:00.000-07:00

Scored 1160 at Spider Solitaire and started thinking about my class (this might seem like a non-sequitur if you don't know what my class is), and some of the people in it.

Earlier I watched a video with Richard Dawkins in it. I followed up by watching a few more of his, and felt... uncomfortable with his stance and the way he drove it across. I then watched a few hard-line creationist videos for comparison, and found it interesting being mentally buffeted in both directions.

Anti-Presumption Clause

2011-07-28T07:17:00.001-07:00

I worry it'll take me too long to properly grasp tennis and that the PE assessment will come around and I'll just flop. Netball was a simpler matter (relatively speaking), but tennis will take me a while longer to get used to. Was impressed by classmates who have evidently spent the right amount of time on sporting activities in their childhood years, and almost wished I'd done the same.

Human failings

2011-07-25T08:06:00.000-07:00

I think the word 'confused' is overused (like the word 'cute'). I prefer the word 'puzzled', which is what I spent most of today being.

Some time ago we were discussing this bizarre proposal to have a 'club cat', which will more likely than not be a person. Without realizing the unfortunate pun, someone says:

"But- but cats poke balls of yarn right?"
- Anonymous

Chaos to Order

2011-07-24T09:38:00.000-07:00

Love is a zero-sum game

Was one of the more interesting arguments we ran today. Several hours later, I'm thinking back to it, and am wondering how true it is in the real world. I think I believe parts of it.

Detach

2011-07-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

I really enjoy picking out metaphors in physics class. The topic on gravitation is full of them. Guess we've found our respective infinities.

Very gradually- imperceptibly, even- I think I've found my place in the class. I find myself looking forward to near-daily basketball games (though I'm probably a bit of a liability to whichever team I play for), and have recently been enjoying discussions over KI powerpoints- etc. Having a class full of fundamentally nice people helps, and I'm grateful for that.

I wonder how important finding one's place in one's world is to the average person. Our worlds are probably all slightly different; some activities and experiences are so much more important than others that they form the centrepieces of our lives, and hence those things which we hold in higher regard define our individual world. I tend to wonder, when I look around at my classmates and friends, how many of them have found their place in theirs, how many of them are still looking- and, of course, how many have never had to think about it.

One Small Step

2011-07-14T10:59:00.000-07:00

Took advantage of the half day by spending it on more important things than schoolwork. Despite the fact that the incomplete work is what's keeping me up at the moment, I really don't regret the way I spent the morning/afternoon at all - if anything, it affirmed my priority structure as being the right one for me.

Excited about tomorrow! Might post about it afterward.

Farewell

2011-07-12T07:05:00.000-07:00

Bidding Yarn goodbye felt rather solemn. Someone pointed out that it's not like he won't be coming back from time to time to help out, and it's not like the school team won't keep sending him cases to vet. But there's something symbolic in his departure I guess, like the end of an era for good. The coaches really define the debate club- and I'm very grateful to Yarn for what he did for us in our time.

Eternal Quote:
"I'm on my way."
- Yarn

Quote of the Day:
"For once, Yarn is on his way- and is actually moving."
- Li Chen

00:55:01

2011-07-09T10:21:00.000-07:00

Bad week, and more to come I fear. Will post more... sometime soon.

2011-07-02T07:17:00.000-07:00

Blocks are over. A very very brief reprieve, and- back to work!

Acceleration

2011-06-29T06:51:00.000-07:00

Physics is over. We were given Paper 2 first; before the paper Nick told me it was because Paper 1 was supposedly such a killer that they didn't want us to be overtaxed by it first. I was actually quite curious what Paper 1 could possible be like - just an MCQ, right?

Then Paper 1 came and I felt the perverse thrill of being completely flattened. Oh well.

Now to math, and I hope that thrill doesn't come back tomorrow.

Bleh

2011-06-27T07:26:00.000-07:00

One down. It's over and I won't think any more about it.

Tomorrow I'll hit the physics TYS over and over until I get almost every question right (or until the next day comes, whichever's sooner). The Teacher claims that completing the TYS is insufficient. Maybe she was trying to scare us. Maybe she was telling the honest truth, in which case... hahahahahahaha whee.

I must say that it's nice to be able to say that I quite enjoyed seeing my classmates again after a month.

Blocks

2011-06-25T08:20:00.000-07:00

Back from the States and still studying. Sigh. I miss not having mid-years in High School.

The way I've gone about preparing for blocks leaves me feeling... uncomfortable. I made the decision to spend the vast majority of my time (like, really vast, majority) focusing on physics and chem, and I've left almost zero time for KI and math. This might prove to be a sad mistake because I think I'm going to screw up math really really badly, which will hurt in a lot of ways. Worse is the knowledge that if I'd spent as much time on math as I did on physics, I'd probably have a guaranteed A - and on the other hand, the amount of time I've spent on physics doesn't even guarantee me a C. So blowing the time on physics makes no good sense at all (chemistry doesn't count, because the amount of time I spent on it was entirely necessary just to give me a chance at passing).

But on completely irrational grounds, I especially want to do well for physics, just to make a point. Because I don't like people who don't know me at all telling me I don't belong somewhere, just based on the smattering of impressions they have. To be fair to them, those impressions are all they have- but jumping to a conclusion and being so certain about it annoys me. Just a little.

00 - 55 - 13

2011-06-12T12:21:00.000-07:00

To make it a bit more obvious. Oh and, not everything I said/expressed about it should be taken at face value.

Two posts in the span of an hour, yay.

01 - 58 - 22

2011-06-12T10:43:00.000-07:00

See if you can figure this one out. It's all about the correlation.

Today marked the conclusion of the last tournament I'll participate in with Hwach. I don't really want to write a long sappy story of my time in Hwach debates because that wouldn't be very meaningful, other than maybe to the people who've made their mark on me in that time, but I'll get around to talking to those people in person (I much prefer thanking people in person than doing so over a largely impersonal post addressed to a dozen different people). Seems almost trivializing to try to encapsulate the entire experience here, so I guess I'll just write about the broad picture.

The first competition I went for was Youth-14s '07; I remember feeling frighteningly incompetent (hadn't quite grasped what a 'rebuttal' was at the time) and feeling much reassured by the presence of seniors I respected very much (and still do). Didn't turn out fantastically, but for me it passed by like a blur anyway, mostly because I didn't understand most everything that was going on.

A year later, my team went for our maiden voyage at Youth-14s '08. Turned out much better, but the result didn't matter so much as the experience of having a team for the first time- a team that belonged as much to me as to everyone else in the batch.

Time went on, and for the most part my High School career was spent debating alongside the seniors, and it was a very comfortable feeling having them around (always reassuring). After the seniors graduated in '09, the thought of our team becoming the Hwach 'main team' was... thrilling. We didn't do particularly well right up until the end; having taken the entire season to find our footing, we won our last one, which meant a lot to all of us, I think.

JC debates has gone by all too quickly; induction camp, a flood of competitions. But what mattered a lot to me was that our team stayed together; I value the new teammates we have very much, but there's some significant sentimental value in the old squad still sticking around (and not dropping the ball after our win in High School; maybe MIDCs felt a lot like affirming that JGs wasn't just a fluke, and that we really can perform pretty decently when need be).

I debate because I love debating, but also because I love the team- the people- I debate for, because those people have impacted my life in so many great ways. I guess it's nice to be putting in effort for something, and that's why I'm grateful for every team I've ever been in, and for the coaches of all those teams (I hope to someday be one of them).

Flying off tomorrow, will be back in a week and a half. Shall see whether studying overseas is any more conducive than studying at home.

02 - 20 - 56

2011-06-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

A lot of stuff on my mind, so I figured I might as well write it out here and see if that helps order my thoughts.

Family
For a few years now, the entire extended family would get together to offer support in difficult times; without fail, every last person would turn up at the hospital, many would sleep over for days at a time (I think I typed out a couple of posts from the hospital before, a year or two ago) and the mood was always... jolly, for lack of a better word. The various instances revolved around situations which were very serious (sometimes even grim, especially the recent ones) but the amazing thing about this extended family of mine was their (our?) ability to keep everyone's spirits up, so it didn't feel so much like a depressing, morbid visit to the hospital so much as a family party in a different location than someone's house. Even in the last two weeks, people seemed to stay happy, despite the knowledge of the impending inevitability hanging over our heads. Or maybe some didn't feel it was inevitable; some, I think, still hoped that the difficulties would pass, and everything would go back to normal. But that didn't happen, and suddenly the ward ceased to be filled with joyful familial happiness and this all-pervading sadness just seemed to encompass everything. And one of the things I feel saddest about is the possibility that it might never be the same, that the texture of every family gathering from now on will carry a hint of that gloom. But it's not inevitable, and I'll just hope that it won't go that way.

MIDCs
The entire experience still feels kind of surreal, actually. Individually, and as a team, I think we could have performed much better in every round (I thought we did way, way better at NTU DCs) but as it turns out, the result was everything we could have hoped for, so I guess that made up for some sub-optimal performances. Felt a lot of pressure this time, so I was quite relieved that nothing disastrous happened. A lot of deja vu, too, which makes for a nice sense of closure to the competition. Thanks everyone who made a difference, which is a lot of people, especially coaches (past and present), seniors, supporters - and of course, my dearest teammates.

Everything else
The above two categories have pretty much been everything that's weighed on my mind the past two weeks or so. Everything else can now resume their usual stations in my thoughts. I plan on spending as much time as I can studying (I plan on this very often, but the pressure of block tests might just do the trick this time). I'll try to turn up for Chess more often next term, last term it just wasn't possible. People things will just happen the way they usually do.

My table has been crawling with ants the past few days. There aren't any at the moment, but considering I'm typing this out past midnight with no lights on in the house (not even the ones here in the study because one of them started flickering again) I might not be able to spot them if they're there. I sure hope they aren't here to stay, because I don't like worrying all the time about accidentally squishing one of them (and it's a tad annoying when they crawl over the keyboard and screen) so I hope they decide there's no food to be had and move on.

2011-05-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

We told stories of the wonderful past today and I got to relive a lot of joyous moments. I worry that we miss the past a bit too much sometimes; too much nostalgia can too easily become a senseless, mindless fixation on things you'll never have again. Sure, it's nice to motivate yourself by thinking about past achievements, but wallowing in regret over a past we miss is unconstructive (and maybe counterproductive).

Quote of the Day:

"If you keep doing that, I'm not going to have children."
"Yeah and isn't that such a bad thing, then you can't steal their food."
- Glendon and Edward

2011-05-29T02:54:00.001-07:00

Unintentionally long hiatus.

Recent days have felt strange. Usually my priority list is straightforward and easy to arrange; some things are just very obviously more important than others to me, and others are sometimes more urgent, so it makes for a simple formula for putting responsibilities in proper order.

The problem is when a new responsibility enters the picture, and I'm not quite sure where the responsibility is 'supposed' to lie. I know that it should be at the top of the list, and everything else should come after. But I don't know if I really feel that way, or if I just think so because I know I'm 'supposed' to think so. It doesn't matter so much for the people involved, because I arrange my responsibilities around it regardless - hence, vanishing a lot the past few days. But it worries me that I don't fully understand the meaning of this responsibility - and that I won't until the point when the responsibility itself vanishes.

2011-05-18T08:13:00.001-07:00

Over the past few weeks, I've really come to regard my spot in the study (at the junction between two tables) as the home within a home.

This realization is entirely new to me. I'd never worked at the table so much before; this spot used to be occupied by my sister, but after she vacated I merrily moved in (mostly because the area which used to be mine was overflowing with papers and... general mess which I just cleared up, discovering to my pleasant surprise notes from sec one in the numerous heaps). I never used it much; mostly for computer work, which didn't really happen until I got a laptop last year, rarely for schoolwork which I used to prefer completing on the floor of my bedroom.

This year I've started using it more and more, for no reason in particular I can place. Maybe it's just because I use my computer for work increasingly often, and so it became convenient to gather all my work in one place, such that my tutorials are now completed (or attempted, heh) on the table which used to support the desktop. Without even intending to, I kind of personalized the space (glass of water and a coaster, stack of school notes, second stack of school notes, books I'm half-reading, a chess set with my correspondence game playing out on it, my phone charger, laptop charger, and various bits of equipment) and nowadays there's no place I feel more comfortable in than that little pocket of space. This little pocket, rather, which I'm sitting in right now.

...Typing this out feels like I'm just procrastinating on work. Long essays to write. Just one, actually, which I really want to do well and have planned and re-planned more times than I've ever planned essays (in total for all the years I've written essays). But I can't shake the nagging feeling that I made some small mistake in interpreting what a reasonable topic could be, and that my entire essay will be discounted- excessive planning and all- just because it was off at the start. It's the same feeling I used to get before Chinese essays, worrying about writing off-point - just slightly different, because this time there wasn't even a topic given.

Write write.

Lucas says:
yeah this can be a running team joke
Glendon: "Darion, I" Darion: "No."

2011-05-16T21:01:00.000-07:00

It almost seems like you've become a revolutionary. I knew you'd felt strongly about this range of social injustices, but I urge you to be wary of swinging to an extreme and forgetting to contemplate the middle ground. There are always shades of gray, remember that. Please.

Another message which will never be read by the one it's meant for. Oh well.

2011-05-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

Have successfully fallen sick again. Too often this year; it's a statistical aberration.

I enjoy the pace of correspondence chess. It leaves one time and the freedom to think about moves properly, there's no stress from the worry of keeping opponents waiting (despite the fact that you have to wait even longer on the correspondence board) and it's nice to have a game running in the background, so to speak, so each day you come home and make a move, each move part of the ongoing battle. It might feel different when the game reaches its exciting bit, I guess, but for now, it's really quite relaxing.

Glendon, Edward and I discuss what it would be like to participate in some opens tournament together years down the road. Glendon thinks up some possible team names, like:
"The couple and the lamppost."
And my personal favourite:
"Unrequited, uninterested, and uninvolved."
Go figure.

Hollow notice

2011-05-10T08:05:00.000-07:00

Studying while lying face down on one's mattress is bad for grades.

Playing chess in the morning really wakes me up like nothing else can.

There are always solutions. Sometimes they're not so palatable, and people who give others advice aren't always able to fully appreciate just how difficult following that advice can be. Nor should we presume our advice to offer the most effective solution; it's just our opinion, after all.

But I hope you find a solution that keeps everyone from being hurt (as much as you can, anyway).

Four small fluorescent lightbulbs mounted on the ceiling, one of them is flickering. It was replaced, but either this bulb is faulty too, or something is fundamentally wrong with the lighting fixture. Either way, it's going to blow, pretty much inevitably now. And ironically, when it blows it'll be less frustrating than it is at the moment, neither working properly nor completely gone, just a regular intrusion that makes everything else difficult to do.

1:06:37

2011-05-08T09:03:00.000-07:00

For all that it made a difference, I probably shouldn't have bothered.

2011-05-06T08:51:00.000-07:00

Three years ago, I was out at Coro with some classmates and they asked me what I wanted as a birthday present. I never know how to answer this question, so I jokingly said "love and peace". Several minutes later, they emerged from a gift shop with a pair of rubber rings, one saying "love" and the other saying "peace". I wonder if they realize that they gave me exactly what I asked for in more ways than one.

A few people to thank for today (just in case you don't want to be named, I've left names out, but I figure you can pretty much tell who you are):

Thank you for being the first person to wish me (and for listening to really bad flute playing).

Thank you for the checklist, which I found a wonderfully meaningful present (and which I have dutifully filled out!).

Thank you for the book which I really really want to read (just as soon as I clear the integration tutorial).

Thank you for instigating the singing (as embarrassing as it was, it was really nice of you!).

Thank you everyone who sang (including the random people I don't know at all who don't know me at all but probably just did for the sake of it).

Thank you everyone who wished me at some point (too many individuals to list here).

Thank you everyone for being a wonderful bunch of people who make everything worthwhile.

"Coffee?" "Tea"

2011-05-04T05:54:00.001-07:00

Finally made it to a chess training today. I really haven't been practicing enough (and perhaps consequently got thrashed) so training's great motivation for me to start looking at my moves again. Too bad I can't attend more trainings, or I might have more motivation.

Today my classmate (unnamed for his sake) invented a new branch of philosophy called... sexistentialism! Needless to say I was unsurprised when I googled it and actually found results.

Went back to a blog I haven't read in a really long time (and was rather glad it hadn't moved). If you don't talk to someone for a while, sometimes you forget how that person thinks, and consequently, how those thoughts translate into writing. So I was kind of glad that as I read the words, I could still pick up the familiar words and still hear them in the now-not-so-familiar voice.

It's going to be a long night so I'll end this here.

Holland

2011-05-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

Find myself increasingly looking forward to stuff after school than school itself. Well, keeps one going through the day.

From disliking PW as a subject, I now actually value it very much. It's not nearly as restrictive in project choice as I thought it would be at the start - and I believe enough in our project to want to prove that it can work. It's also one of two lessons where I actually feel I have stuff to contribute.

Are we justified in feeling annoyed at another's disappointment in us? Let's assume for the moment that this disappointment isn't due to any particular failure on our part, just... an unfortunate occurrence. So if you're disappointed in me, should you not show it if you know it'll make me feel bad? Or is it just as unfair for you to keep it bottled up?

And if it's fair for you to express your disappointment, is it fair for me to be annoyed at it?

A quick post (like most of them nowadays)

2011-04-28T08:03:00.000-07:00

I realize the following stuff is way too easy to misinterpret, so I encourage anyone reading this to assume that it's not about you, since the people it's about probably don't read this thing anyway.

I'm curious how much should we each be expected to try to interact with others. Invariably, someone gets left out, but we can't possibly be expected to interact with everyone else; true interaction is neither easy nor possible with just anyone, so maybe it's natural that we form our private little pockets of communication. At the same time, it must be frustrating that everyone seems to think that someone else will do the interacting with the ones who are left out; in the end, none of that interaction happens, and those people still wind up alone.

Happier thoughts: I wonder if my group will decide within the next few days that the project idea we've mostly agreed to use is unfeasible. Should that happen, a small amount of work will be wasted, but better to trash an impossible project early than suffer painful consequences later. Right this doesn't seem much happier at all, but I'm quite excited by how it's turning out; even if we end up scrapping the idea, at least I take some comfort knowing that it was heard.

Fracture point

2011-04-24T08:06:00.001-07:00

Typed out an entire post but it was promptly deleted by Blogger when I tried posting it due to some server problem.

As I retyped it, I found myself heavily editing the post; removing bits that might have been misinterpreted as insensitive comments, clarifying some parts which the wrong people might think are addressed to them, that sort of thing. And I kept running into areas of uncertainty, so I kept cutting stuff away.

In the end, I whittled the entire post away and wound up with a blank slate again, into which I have typed this story of the post that never was.

Threw a chem test today, but the queer blessing in disguise was an opportunity to bond with a classmate who thinks he threw his too (what a strange thing to talk about with someone, how badly you thought you did in a test) and the early afternoon made me feel a lot better anyway, thank you (if you're reading this).

Back to work.

Land of Song

2011-04-17T08:33:00.000-07:00

Reading about the care which people lavish upon their musical instruments leaves me wondering why (some) musicians derive so much joy out of simple tasks like cleaning the instruments, checking that the parts are working, polishing the surfaces. Maybe it's part of the pride they (we? I presume anyone who plays an instrument counts as a musician) feel in their art; because it's a privilege for a flautist to polish his flute that no one else really enjoys, the act (mundane as it is) makes the musician feel part of that special community of his.

Or maybe I'm all wrong and most musicians hate the mundane maintenance tasks associated with (some) complex and intricate instruments.

Too many commentary brackets in one post, heh.

2011-04-13T07:19:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I decided that our physics lecturer (the one who's lectured us these past few sessions) is a really good lecturer. He conveys his enthusiasm for his field of work just by the energy with which he conducts his lectures, and his constant use of live demonstrations is creative, engaging, and makes physics excitingly real.

He also wears the exact same outfit every lecture. This is not an exaggeration. Identical white shirt, beige pants, and black belt. It's uncanny.

Harm Principle

2011-04-11T05:34:00.000-07:00

Draw the line when someone gets hurt.

Physics lecture test today was the first time I dropped a question for the sole (and stupid) reason that I didn't see it there. Actually, to be precise, I saw the question (I even referred to the diagram to confirm that the distance between the projectile launcher and the target was 10 metres) but I didn't realise that it was a question, and that we were actually supposed to sketch something on the aforementioned diagram.

Needless to say I was more amused than horrified.

Delta theta

2011-04-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

It'd be hilarious (and I'd be overjoyed) if I ended up scoring better for chemistry than physics and math this term. Somehow I've managed to mess up every physics paper I've done this year (careless errors, forgetting to subtract initial time taken before calculating displacement, forgetting to define direction etc stupid mistakes) and I haven't done particularly well on my math ones either. Maybe my chem paper will come back and I'll discover I was reading the periodic table upside-down or something.

Voting today was interesting; I'd like to think I bothered to exercise my vote as responsibly as possible (i.e. I gave a lot of thought to the candidates I picked), as much as my individual vote matters exceedingly little.

A classmate remarked that our class is populated by introverts. I guess the defining characteristic of our class really is that the vast majority seems devoid of the capacity to have fun. No, to be fair, they probably just have a different idea of 'fun', say the joy of bashing physics tutorials (which is actually pretty fun, come to think of it, and which I shall get back to now).

Let's hope history never forgets the name Enterprise

2011-04-03T09:35:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've spent literally an entire weekend (morning till night both days) at a debate competition. I must say it was absolutely worth the time spent, especially the afternoon-evening-night portion of today. Which was, ironically, the period of time I wasn't debating. In fact, come to think of it the evening period was spent largely alone; people left in the afternoon bit and I met someone interesting in the night bit, but the evening bit was a lot of quality time spent in the company of my own thoughts.

The weekend felt strange though, despite the debates which should have taken my mind off uncomfortable things. But once again I run into the blogging barrier of knowing that some things should not- cannot- be said here. Not in words, anyway.

Q/mc < 0

Quote of the Day:

Hong Yu talks about Glendon's ill-fated phones, and then about his current one
"One of them dropped in the toilet bowl. What about this one? Ohhh, it dropped in your hands."

There were funnier ones, but I can't remember offhand. Should track these.

2011-04-02T09:10:00.001-07:00

Quote of the Day:

"That was the funniest joke I've told all day."
- no prizes for guessing who

2011-03-31T07:31:00.000-07:00

Vd = I/nqA

A friend of mine once substituted songs for words (when words failed). I don't know songs, so I can't do that. My recourse, then, is to equations.

2:13:44

2011-03-24T06:29:00.000-07:00

I realize how much my writing is constrained by the slight fear that someday one of my teachers might stumble upon my blog. Not that I personally fear persecution, but I worry that I might land some of my classmates in trouble if I write too much about their exploits.

Enough people have asked me why I didn't join HP (and have asked me to join HP, but that's more of a joke than anything) that I actually started thinking in slightly greater depth about my reasons. I realize that my "standard answer" to this question grows increasingly less satisfactory because every time I repeat it to someone, it feels just a little more hollow. I don't think anyone will ever shake my conviction that the sciences are the better choice for me (not like anyone's seriously trying to, anyway) but I am at risk of thinking myself into a corner. But it's too late to switch out now, right?

On a side note, I find myself bonding with some classmates in increasingly strange ways - or rather, over the strangest things. First it was pen spinning, now it's fractal patterns (thank you for the video Edward). Not that I mind, it's great to have something in common to talk about, just that these particular topics were pleasantly surprising.

Bring on the Newtonian mechanics (another one of those terms which sounds a lot cooler than it really is - at our level anyway, I'm told physics at just slightly higher levels is exciting beyond measure).

2011-03-19T07:29:00.001-07:00

I don't think the CIP activity contributed very much to class bonding until the very end, when the bunch of us were standing around kicking a soccer ball around (right so I wasn't actually involved in the kicking, or the standing even, but it was fun to watch anyway). This aside, the activity itself was probably among the more useful CIP activities around, in terms of its benefits to the community, and as a plus I met some nice residents who were friendly and generous. Not that I remember any of them individually, or that they'll remember me, but it made the activity much more cheerful.

There were other plusses, too.

Yesterday's Quote

We sat around a cafe while Twilight was playing on a screen in the neighbouring video section. Shan Wei speculates about vampire romance:
"So he asks "would you like to kiss me?" and she replies "no, fangs""

2011-03-15T06:07:00.000-07:00

HC Cup was very enjoyable; the chess games themselves were fun, but it was really the whole atmosphere which I thoroughly liked. The chess club is a fun bunch of people to be around, and it's always interesting to hear them speaking in chess jargon and to actually be able to comprehend.

Yesterday's Quote

The final phase of one of yesterday's last chess matches. Our player, in an unquestionably won position, seems more intent on capturing pieces than executing a checkmate:
"We've found a rationale for his capturing every piece. It's to make up for all the pieces he blundered in earlier games."
- the incumbent Captain

Mostly Harmless

2011-03-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

It occurs to me that "Random Rants" can be rearranged to become "Random's Rant". Which fits in nicely, unlike some other things. But this reference can probably only be understood by Hitchhiker's Guide fans, so it shall stop here because I don't know any.

2011-03-12T07:34:00.001-08:00

Congrats team, on breaking. It gets really tough from here so give it your all.

On a separate note, I realize that I end up writing either nothing here (happens most of the time) or surface level thoughts which never let me say the stuff I want to say. Which makes me wonder whether some people blog because they want to say stuff but have no one to say it to, but that's besides the point. There's no nice solution to not writing anything meaningful here, nor is there anything to solve (in my opinion), so I shan't bother trying.

By the way, anyone who comes into contact with any HS debater, beware the chin-up.

2011-03-10T03:06:00.000-08:00

What the Wikibook on chess opening theory has to say about a certain defence to 1. e4:

While the late English GM Tony Miles beat the then world champion Anatoly Karpov in a famous game with

1...a6 neglects the centre and is not recommended to anyone less skilled than Tony Miles.

Who knew Wiki could be funny? (Who knew chess opening theory could be funny?)

Scalar

2011-03-08T05:56:00.000-08:00

Today my classmates spent a bit of time during the physics lecture placing classes in order of their sheer uselessness (this act was, naturally, inspired by the physics lecture itself). I enjoy the lunacy of some of my classmates, it keeps one entertained and generally happy for a while (and they can snap out of it as soon as something serious begins, which is always a plus).

Quotes of the Day:

From the scenario outlined above
"And at the top of the list, CT!"
"No! No! CT is more useful than PW!"

From lunch (this person will not be identified but the people likely to be reading this are also likely to know who he is at a glance)
"My underwear is soaked in blood. Want to see?"

Darkness stirs

2011-03-07T07:14:00.000-08:00

I have discovered that I do, in fact, have classmates I would very much like to know better (aside from the ones I already knew) and I shall embark on the quest of Greater Interaction over the next few days. It's a pity none of them play chess though.

I also now know for sure that more than a few extraordinarily intelligent people exist outside of HP. Take that, Mr. _______.

2011-03-04T16:40:00.000-08:00

Dramafeste was entertaining, but hasn't given me anything interesting to think about, sadly (ironically the rest of the day did).

I've grown a lot less confident of my mathematical abilities, and fear that I gave Glendon's classmate an incomplete solution to her question. Oh well, apologies in advance, just in case. This paragraph has no relation to the last.

Yesterday's Quotes:

"Math again..."
"Math again!"
- Two of my classmates unintentionally illustrating how tone of voice can completely change the message. And no, the latter was not me.

"The central question of the play is - why should anyone watch it?"
- Li Chen. The play in question will not be identified.

2011-03-02T05:33:00.000-08:00

Today I got to play chess against a couple of particularly strong (relative to my standard) players.

One thing which strikes me about serious chess games is the immense silence that hangs over the board. Chess was probably never meant as a social game, but in that silence there's a very special kind of exchange which takes place. The connection (for me) is in the strategies played by and against my opponent, and the brief moment in which one player suddenly perceives the long chain of disastrous consequences his opponent neatly arranged for him (this is usually accompanied by a soft chuckle and a nod of the head, or maybe that's only among the weird players I've played to date). This said, the connection doesn't go very far, and isn't really much for communication, unless you talk while playing (in which case, the game might not go very far).

Anyway, it was extraordinarily relaxing playing against established chess club members who had their reputation and pride on the line, especially when playing against a recreational player with zero competition experience. I had nothing to lose, which meant I could just enjoy the experience, as taxing as it was on the mind(I was burned out by my first game, but it was worth it because that game was one of the best I've ever played).

I also had the fascinating experience of playing against an exceptionally aggressive player. Aggressive not in her chess strategies but in her intimidation skills (see quote below). I was told she has the tendency to flip over the board when she loses, so I guess I'd better try hard not to win in future...

Quotes of the Day:

Video Review with Mr. ___ (name censored just in case the school minds); he is commenting on one particular speaker's style
"The interesting thing about your bouncing is that there are two bounces going on here; there's a big bounce and a small bounce..."

Chess Trash Talk
"What?! You LOSE. I NEVER play that opening because it violates so many opening principles!"
- My opponent. After my first move.

2011-02-28T07:22:00.000-08:00

Ran into Wu Lao Shi today. We engaged in a pleasant, lengthy conversation involving the both of us slipping between Chinese and English every once in a while (he probably did so out of courtesy, while I did so out of necessity). Aside from the awkward shifts in language, I enjoyed talking to him immensely. He seems to connect with his students uniquely well by completely understanding the various aspects of the phase of life we're going through, especially with respect to JC. He's also never started a conversation by talking about academics, which always helps.

Have finally written to my Mortal, I feel accomplished.

My OG has a way of scheduling outings on days when I'm not free. To be fair, every day for the last two weeks I haven't been free, and most of the days this week too, so I guess it's a simple matter of their scheduling outings during the period when I'm not free. With this said, I think I've succeeded at staying in touch with the members of my OG whom I can talk to and connect with on some level or another, so I don't really regret missing outings. I'll attend one eventually, but it'll be terribly awkward when the time comes, seeing how many I've missed in the interim.

2011-02-27T05:41:00.000-08:00

Am very glad for friends who are sufficiently removed from my immediate social circle that I can actually talk to them about said immediate social circle. I value these people a lot, and only now realize that I have very few of them.

I miss the one I no longer have. (Or at least, I no longer talk to)

Anyway, so a couple of weeks ago a friend showed me a math problem and I spent the evening of that day looking into it but couldn't arrive at a solution. I forgot about it amidst the chaos of the following days until I had dinner with my mom's math colleague, whereupon I suddenly remembered it and mentioned it in passing. The following day, my mom told me her colleague had discussed it with another math teacher "on a whim, because he was bored" and that they'd promptly solved it in 5 minutes, decided their solution was inelegant, ran it by a more senior math teacher who arrived at the same solution, and promptly wrote out the proof for her (my mom).

She's been dangling it in my face without letting me see the actual writing until I solve it myself, but aside from that, every once in a while I'm reminded of the exhilaration of pursuing a solution, and the wonderful excitement at its discovery. I wish I'd had the time in the past to pursue math properly, but this would have come at the expense of other pursuits which have probably benefitted me far more than math ever could.

This said, at the very least I feel assured that I haven't chosen the wrong path for the long run, and that the subjects I'm studying now will set the stage for proper pursuit of science and mathematics later in life when I finally choose to set aside the time for it.

2011-02-26T06:24:00.000-08:00

Eventful few days.

Yesterday was an impossibly strange day. I'm not going to write about it other than to say that I was very glad I eventually made it in time for the JGs round. Mind was wandering all throughout though, as well as after the debate and into the night.

I feel the calmest when my mind is engaged in some other part of the world. It's not a good thing when I'm busy doing something important, but it usually doesn't happen at such times/when it does, it means that wherever my mind is engaged is a sufficiently important realm which overrides the task at hand.

Thinking is so important.

Sparkles

2011-02-24T07:58:00.000-08:00

Feel compelled to post, which is not a bad thing since otherwise I probably wouldn't.

My week, by subject:

Physics is fantastic. I was rather dismayed, initially, to discover that we'd be doing 'measurements' for our first topic, but this quickly gave way to excitement at the rather interesting calculations involved. We also performed an experiment using Snickers bars and got to eat them afterwards (all right not a particularly revelatory experience, but still).

Chemistry is pretty good; I actually enjoy the experiments, as much as they might be extremely routine and require a lot of waiting time while liquids heat up and all. In fact, it's that very aspect of the experiments which I enjoy, I think - that you can just sit staring at the evaporating dish and think about life. This is especially important on Monday mornings because it's nice to ease into the week, if only for one period (Monday is 12 o'clock dismissal day, too!).

Math is great! Our tutor is really good, both in skills and presentation. The material is engaging, although I sometimes feel it's moving along just a little too slowly. Sometimes it almost seems like the graphic calculator is the miracle solve-all, although I'm sure it gets way harder from here. I can barely wait, too.

KI is very interesting. The interesting aspect isn't in the syllabus though (since we haven't gotten very far in the material, which leaves me unable to comment on it) but in the nature of the class. I've never been in such a vocal and open class that always seems all revved up for lively discussion. This can be both good and bad, considering the discussions seem to go around in endless circles grazing answers but never really arriving at a satisfactory conclusion; on the other hand, I'm glad the class is at least involved in the lessons, which gives me something to look forward to.

The rest of my week was, of course, taken up by debate (in fact, my week was largely spent there). One potentially negative repercussion of this is in my unfortunate absence from all the Faculty dance sessions; I'm not a big fan of dancing, but I don't want to come across as being anti-class, especially because early impressions in a new class matter (and because I actually had a valid reason every time I missed a dance session, and it's understandable but still annoying for the converse to be implied).

Quote of the Day:

KI lesson. Chelsea is arguing about objects conceivably possessing properties they couldn't in our universe.
"So it could be both red and green all over, in some higher dimension..."
"Chelsea the space cadet!"
- Our KI tutor

2011-02-21T06:56:00.000-08:00

Have met someone who genuinely enjoys studying (not learning in general though she might like that too, but studying, in particular). It's interesting, the diversity of characters in my class. I can see why an influx of students from other schools is necessary for keeping the environment alive and interesting. I think I benefit from having a fair number of students from beyond the HCI/NY cohort in my class; will try to interact with them, get an idea of just how different our respective high school cultures are.

Not very much time for interaction though, come to think of it - the most we get are our breaks, which to be fair can last pretty long, but as evidenced by the person I mentioned above, are not necessarily spent interacting.

Quote of the Day:

While walking out of school at night, Glendon and I speculate as to why stars in the night sky twinkle. Someone doesn't like this discussion though, and hence says:
"Maybe they twinkle because they're haaaaaaappy!"
- name undisclosed, just in case there's an objection to this quote

Not bad

2011-02-20T00:18:00.000-08:00

It's been quite a tiring week, and not even because of schoolwork (though schoolwork contributed). Haven't had time to post, and if the habit of arriving home and going straight to sleep continues I probably won't have much time to post next week either. After IHLs things might be different - but I would miss the present very much. Periods like this feel meaningful, bland schoolwork does not.

On the note of schoolwork, I really enjoy my subject combination. Math is relaxing, KI is interesting, physics is boring (but only at the moment, I hope). Chemistry is... chemistry. I think I'm less stressed by schoolwork than I've been in a long time, but this might change very soon when we move along with the syllabus.

Spent yesterday and this morning at NCS, watching juniors and seniors. Seeing the whole family knocked out before finals was... rather tragic. Oh well. Had a lot of laughs at our favourite cafe with the team afterward, which made for an enjoyable lunch.

Quote of the Day:

"You're actually a nice junior. Except for one thing."
- Yong Zhi, who will never forgive me for being an Athenian

There were many funny quotes from lunch, but they are all, unfortunately, unpublishable.

2011-02-15T08:22:00.000-08:00

A generally relaxed day. I suppose the introductions to classes are all over now (thankfully). I keep forgetting that I have fewer subjects now, so the work is due a lot sooner than it used to be. Still, am hopeful it'll be nicely completed on time.

Off to finish chem/physics tutorials. I'll be unable to stay awake tomorrow, but hey some things are worth staying up for (like homework, or so I hope I can convince myself).

Was unable to tend to the math problem, and have thus failed to complete it by Wednesday as I'd hoped. Oh well. Might still work on it in my free time.

Quote of the Day:

"No, I'm not afraid of him touching my laptop."
"Yeah, he hasn't figured out how to eat laptops yet."
- myself and Edward, on Glendon

Line of tension

2011-02-14T06:11:00.000-08:00

Pretty good start to the year! Double chem then double training. Tomorrow's timetable is packed by comparison, though I'm really eager for math KI and physics (yeah essentially the other 3 subjects). I must say though that I've got a good feeling for chem this year, maybe it won't go as horribly as in the past.

...Famous last words, I'm sure.

Begin!

2011-02-13T06:34:00.000-08:00

And tomorrow morning, to start off the school year and JC life proper, I have... chemistry lab and a chemistry lecture!

But it's not so bad because those are my only two lessons. Fantastic. And I have a half-hour break in between to catch my breath.

Speaking of catching one's breath, am becoming a bit... overwhelmed. But it's okay tomorrow school will take my mind off these things (as much as it has repeatedly failed to do so in the past, but well hope springs...).

Early sleeping hours begin tonight! Enjoy your first day tomorrow, everyone.

Heart and Mind

2011-02-10T07:31:00.000-08:00

Am already faltering in my resolution to blog more. I'm not sure if this is due to a lack of things to say, or a lack of will to say it.

War games were fun. I haven't thrown water bombs around for a few years, and I actually appreciated the largely mediated environment (no significant injuries as far as I know) which still allowed for very real and immediate competition. I just wish teams would strategize a bit more, because I think that would make gameplay a whole lot more exciting (the games could be conducted in phases with breaks which allow faculties to confer, and- well imagination aside, I was pretty happy with the way it was anyway).

After war games I talked to a classmate (name omitted for protection of his identity, just in case) about the faculties system, comparing it to the consortium system in high school and discussing positive/negative attributes. I think that's the first time I've heard someone argue for the abolition of faculties. I don't think I know nearly enough about the faculties system (just how prominently it features in day-to-day school life, whether it is in reality as disruptive to school spirit as suggested) to comment, but I do think that sometimes inter-faculty competitions scare me a little because of the very blatant use of negative cohesion to pull faculties together. If all that binds us in the end is the desire to gloat over victories, can we really claim we're bonded? But maybe this let's-crush-them-all thing only really happens once in a while and there's something else to faculty bonding I'm not seeing yet.

On another note, I'm glad I have established that I have classmates I can talk to properly (not just the guy above, too!). Now to write back to my Angel (who has made it very easy to figure out her identity, could be done literally with one phone call but I'm not doing that yet) and write to my Mortal.

2011-02-09T09:14:00.001-08:00

Been growing increasingly uncomfortable with constantly missing class-related stuff. Not even for the same reason, for several different reasons. And I will continue to miss class time over the next two days for more different reasons. But these reasons all take priority.

My CT is our chemistry teacher. And in this form he made us fill out (a 'get to know your student' thing), there was this lovely question that went something like "your worst subject in High School"; then there was "the subject you're dreading the most in JC". And I decided that it was prudent to be honest and fill in 'chemistry' in both blanks. Sure am glad that chemistry can't be graded on impressions.

Orientation games today were exceedingly disturbing. I think the line has to be drawn between encouraging people to overcome awkward social barriers through good fun and carrying out activities which are genuinely repulsive. But never mind on the bright side no one seemed to mind particularly (not even the forfeits) and the mood was generally good so no complaints about dull classes.

Quote of the Day:

Joyan's reply speech
"Imagine for the next four minutes that I'm a dictator..."
"Whose war crime was forcing Kenny to attend training."
- Edward

2011-02-08T09:09:00.000-08:00

I think I forgot to make a New Year's resolution to sleep earlier.

Quote of the Day:
Glendon describes his shameless nonconsensual consumption of his teammates' various dinner items with the analogy of an international conflict. Edward threatens to kick him where he usually kicks him.

"Ah! A strike to the capital!"
- Glendon

From afar

2011-02-07T07:04:00.000-08:00

So after muddling up my class number for a bit, I discovered that in addition to Nick Chuan, an ex-classmate of mine is in my class now.

Mixed feelings at this discovery. On the one hand, it's probably more than I could've asked for to have been assigned the same class as one of the few classmates I actually felt somewhat close to. He's a great guy and I did wish that I'd gotten to know him better during the two high school years we were in the same class, so I guess I've got another two years to do that now (better not procrastinate). On the other, maybe I was wishing (at some level or another) for a blank slate - totally new faces in a totally new environment, a fresh start.

Oh well. Will count my blessings and be glad that at least I won't feel all alone in class (barring some interpersonal relations-disaster). Here begins a new life.

I wish

2011-02-06T08:02:00.000-08:00

Am really just posting because of this wonderful quote of the day (which may not be funny at all to people who weren't there):

Kenny engages Minerva's father in small talk
"So Uncle, what's your doctorate in?"
"Um... I'm a dental surgeon..."

2011-02-05T07:17:00.000-08:00

Am looking forward to meeting my class now. Spent most of my time in High School around humanities students, which I didn't mind at all because they seemed to like thinking more than the science students I met did. Still, I guess it'll be kind of nice to meet some science students who like both science and thinking (at least, I assume some people in my class/subject combi will be like that).

One of the things I've learned from debating that I appreciate the most isn't in fact knowing how to argue, but rather knowing how to stop arguments, because some arguments are extraordinarily stupid and trivial and shouldn't be allowed to upset people.

Apprehension

2011-02-02T07:29:00.000-08:00

And the OG dissolves.

Reunion dinner was uneventful. I don't mind spending the time with my relatives, as long as it seems to make them happy. The problem is that sometimes it's just awkward around my relatives because we don't talk much and my presence seems to be a reminder that we don't talk much.

Quote of the Day:
"How often do you play chess?"
"Once a year. Every reunion dinner."
- the question I posed to my uncle, and his response, mid-game

Disconnect

2011-01-31T06:52:00.000-08:00

I still feel unable to bond with my OG. Tomorrow's the last day of orientation games with them and the day after will probably be the last time we assemble in school as an OG before going our separate ways to our own little classes.

I might actually enjoy the dances if we had more space to dance, actually.

Quote (incident, rather) of the Day:
Deputy Principle talks about our cohort
"This year, as you can see, the girls outnumber the boys..."
*Girls cheer*
-Pause-
*Guys cheer*

Undertone

2011-01-30T06:49:00.001-08:00

Hi Darion,
You haven't been back to Facebook recently.You have received notifications while you were gone.

48 friend requests

Thanks,
The Facebook Team

I'm grateful that it was only 48 invitations (as annoying as it was during the period I received them). Wonder when Facebook will stop sending me this reminder (without my activating my Li Chen-made account).

Have decided that reading Wikipedia by clicking on links instead of opening them in a new tab is a much better way to get through articles; this way I actually read the stuff in the links. Irrelevant opinion of the day.

2011-01-29T07:34:00.000-08:00

IHLs were all right. As is long-standing custom I shan't write about it on a public forum, other than to say that I agree with Glendon: never again (I hope).

Borrowed a book from a public library for the first time (that I can remember). Wish I'd actually get around to reading the stack of books my mom and dad have piled up on my table.

Am suddenly uncomfortable with my orientation group. Been too long since I've been in a large group with enough people to exert social inertial pressure (not on me, but on each other), and the potential for large masses of people to do silly things together without thinking about things inherently scares me. The fact that the discussion took place in an MSN conversation made things even more uncomfortable, because I detest the MSN environment when it comes to mass conversations (lack of focus in mass discussions exacerbated by the setting, impossibility to convey thoughts and feelings through body language exacerbated by rapidity of response required). Depending on how much impact I make on my OG (am trying very hard not to be a wallflower, the fact that Kenny's in it helps), they might actually read this, so I guess it's only fair to admit that I think the OG is actually a largely nice bunch of people and I hope the rest of orientation with them is fun.

Suddenly going cold turkey on training is going to feel... strange. I guess one training this week is already a bargain, considering it's CNY, so I'll be happy for that.

Am also suddenly uncomfortable with blogging about my opinions/feelings again (it's been a while I think). Upon reflection, this is- ironically- probably because I'm (also) afraid of being judged for what I think, which makes little rational sense but is very real nonetheless.

Yesterday's Quote (because I couldn't remember today's):
"Glendon, what's 'M'?"
- Edward, inside joke

2011-01-28T07:48:00.000-08:00

So I finally got my graphic calculator. Can't wait to try it out; there were so many points in high school math where I wished I had one, to draw the graphs nicely for me.

Orientation day 2 was pretty fun actually; I enjoyed the games and even slightly regretted (well, just a little) having to leave early. Still don't really like mass dancing though.

2011-01-27T08:04:00.000-08:00

At the start of every academic year, my mom writes me a card with words of encouragement. Hers are special, because she obviously puts a lot of thought into them (I couldn't grasp the complexities of the one she left on my laptop this year until she explained the references to me), because I rarely get to see samples of her writing (and she's really good at writing), and most importantly, because she's my mom.

So much meaning in so short a message. Makes me wish the school year started more often. But then, each card wouldn't be so meaningful.

Spin

2011-01-27T06:37:00.000-08:00

I've had a few hours to think about it, and I have come to the conclusion that orientation wasn't too bad after all.

I'm not going to write about the actual proceedings; in fact, the only thing I have to say is that whatever the outcome, I'm rather grateful to the people who made (are making, rather) an effort to introduce us to our new family. Our substitute OGL apologised today for his lack of enthusiasm, and I thought this was a pretty nice gesture on his part, considering it really wasn't his fault (he got late notice that he'd be substituting). Grateful to him for trying, anyway.

Have become so absorbed in debates lately that I'm starting to have second thoughts about wanting lessons to begin, because ongoing lessons mean less time I can spend on debates. Must train must train.

Incomprehension

2011-01-25T08:07:00.000-08:00

Great anticipation with regards to this Saturday.

Not-so-great anticipation with regards to orientation, but of course I'll try to make the most of the time/approach the event with an open mind. I'm sure there's some bright side to it, despite it meaning I might miss JGs first prelim round (I'm sure we'll find some creative solution to that one).

I would post quotes from today's auditions but there's a very tiny chance that one of those sec ones might someday read this so I shall not. Especially because the quotes were by Tommy. About, the sec ones. Go figure.

How culpable are we for the things we feel beneath the surface of conscious control? The book my dad just gave me on Neurophilosophy probably isn't going to help answer that one. I probably won't have time to read it, I'm reading the Christmas Present really slowly and once lessons start...

Hope not

2011-01-24T03:24:00.000-08:00

Pacing on the MRT is a fantastic exercise in balance. Thank goodness for handholds.

Training without Lucas feels strange. I miss him already, heh. Thank goodness for MSN.

Learned today that SMRT is serious about not wanting people hanging out inside stations. Thank goodness for pleasant/friendly/forgiving operators.

2011-01-22T04:48:00.000-08:00

I wonder how many more of my juniors' competitions I'll be able to attend. My presence isn't particularly useful but I enjoy supporting them, and I really can't imagine the day I stop dropping in on them. Which is a little sad because that day will probably come some time soon when my own work and training fully occupies my time - and my thoughts, maybe.

All the same, congratulations to the MJCs team! Now take a nice, extremely brief break before training starts up again (JGs season approaches...).

I also wonder whether short blog posts are better than none at all.

2011-01-20T07:25:00.000-08:00

What a productive day. If only all JC days could be like that (would probably flunk 'A's though).

I'm glad beyond words that we can see the inequalities (I'm referring to equations) that really matter. To us, anyway. Time will tell.

2011-01-19T06:48:00.000-08:00

Well, attending the SMTP selection test was great fun. At least I got some good laughs out of it when I realized it was actually possible to get a negative score (they deduct marks for questions answered incorrectly, and knowing the way I answer chemistry questions...) and when I saw the last of the physics paper's open-ended questions.

I found myself regretting at random not attending a chess tournament during the holidays (which I consider technically over). I'd hoped to play some real matches against trained opponents (instead of the thousand and one recreational games I've played to date) and I guess it would've been nice to get a rating. But that can wait; debate season is now moving along and bringing back old feelings of excitement and anticipation at upcoming competitions, and trainings give me something to look forward to every week.

Quote of the Day:
"Can you come back at his move instead?!"
- Madam Captain, to Glendon who couldn't help commenting on the optimal move. He never can, really.

I don't care what the arrow's made of

2011-01-17T07:15:00.000-08:00

Well, a pretty good day one, in the sense that nothing horrible happened (when it comes to school, I'll take what I can get). I enjoyed the brief elation of a problem set in the math lecture (brief because it was a very small set) and the feeling of being challeneged to finish the questions while the lecturer was still explaining the examples (just about everyone in my class does this actually).

Yup, am definitely looking forward to math class. And the other classes, of course.

The day came to a uncomfortable close though, with a bad debate (and a horrible speech). Impetus to train harder. Heh.

KI test tomorrow, really hope it goes all right (I'm terribly afraid of messing up a single paper and making my own life harder because of that *ahem Higher Chinese*). I guess I'll just think and write like I usually do and hope for the best.

2011-01-15T08:24:00.000-08:00

'School' starts on Monday.

...Great.

I've been trying to fill in the competition diary properly, and to that end I was sifting through the egroups and found old emails written by various grand seniors and ex-coaches. Words of encouragement after the various losses we suffered. Words of advice for future teams. Words from the heart.

I wonder what the juniors who weren't witness to that period in our club history would think if they read the archives. I remember the elation of receiving emails from the groups back in sec one (it was a fairly common occurrence then). The emails back then had a lot more character; each really tells a story, especially since I'm fully aware of the contexts in which all the little jokes were made.

Quote of the Day:
"Guess what the colour of the day is?"
- Glendon. Context is open to interpretation.

2011-01-12T07:11:00.001-08:00

Speaking with Qing Yun earlier proved exceptionally interesting. Nice to talk to someone who's been along roughly the path I wish to follow (although of course, he has better grades/unrivalled general knowledge). I'm not entirely sure I dare try out for physics olympiad (I got both of Qing Yun's sample questions wrong) but I'm not really sure why either. I mean, I'm not sure why I wouldn't want to try out for it. Maybe I'm a little scared of failing.

Quotes of the Day:

"It takes a humans student to characterize scientists as such stupid people."
- The One Who Is Always On His Way

"That's not the theory of relativity! Die now!"
- See above

Acid burn

2011-01-11T07:54:00.000-08:00

It's chilly in here.

So the project will continue, but will only be submitted next year (long story) which gives me plenty of time to actually gather experimental data (I really should look into clearing space in my JC timetable instead of plugging it up).

Interestingly enough (okay maybe not) two people in two completely different contexts tonight asked me to shut up. One of the occasions was probably in jest, the other, well, hopefully so. I realise that after using 'shut up' a lot in primary school, the request (can't call it a swear word) kind of lost its punch in secondary school and over time, ironically now seems to be reserved for more serious circumstances.

This said, it always seems that 'shut up' is another way of saying "I can't think of something to say to what you're saying so just stop saying stuff" (by the way if either of the people who told me to shut up earlier is reading this, this is NOT ADDRESSED TO YOU it is just a random string of muddled musings) which seems less effective than a nicely crafted response. Of course, conversation isn't a battle, but in a serious argument, asking someone to shut up might not be the best option. Depending on the circumstances, as it always does.

2011-01-09T07:59:00.000-08:00

And some hours after that last post, there's the sudden realization that it matters so little.

And now I find myself wishing we didn't overlook the great joy and beauty in life because of the minor inconveniences that matter so little.

2011-01-09T05:43:00.000-08:00

HCL O level results tomorrow. There's nothing more I can do about it than wait, as I believe I lamented months ago after the paper itself (or was I overjoyed?). I'll comment further after receipt of the results since I'm not even sure what I'm feeling (anxiety? worry? relief?) at the moment.

2011-01-08T07:10:00.000-08:00

I make it a habit to not complain about being tired out by work simply because I know a lot of people who are a lot more tired out by work, or more frequently simply have more work but don't complain.

All the same, I'm seriously contemplating dropping my math project. The degree of mathematical competency required is somewhat beyond me, and besides, all the other projects at the competition are run by serious math/science students. The worst part is, I have no clear idea what I'm trying to achieve in the first place.

In fact the only thing really stopping me from dropping it is my mentor who I don't want to disappoint (again).